Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
