I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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