Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
