Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize