Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
