Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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