OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize