So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i out mim tonsoeep
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