i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You have to summon your inner elephant
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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