ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
