He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
