i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
