I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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