There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
