he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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