He kissed a someone with a penis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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