I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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