It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
