I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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