I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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