so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize