if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
