my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
