this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
