Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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