Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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