it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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