I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
