omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
