two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
