she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize