So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize