sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Boobs are out for the taking
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize