Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
