Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
