Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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