I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
