I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
