I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
