i would punch a child for taco bell
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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