two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
