I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
