I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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