My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
