If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
