lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
