I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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