White coat. Heels.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
