I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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