Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
