Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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