dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
