Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
