I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's intense
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
