didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
