"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
