he told me I talked like a deaf person
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
