oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Found your dick twin last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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