Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
