Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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