She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
