bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
