I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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