The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
