Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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