i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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