Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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