dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
