dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
