Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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