Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
