Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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