I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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